#or about her parents or whatever theres so mcuh abojt her i could talk about. but she means a lot to me

[meowsticmarvels]

phi is such an insane character. shes just a girl. shes rude and blunt and won't hesitate to call you out on your bullshit. she's not good at expressing her emotions. typically, she's cold and unemotional, but there are a few times where this demeanor snaps and breaks under pressure - shes's not as invulnerable as she wants to be. shes lived through so many histories where it all went wrong. shes a living paradox. an unknown variable in the equation. she is everything and nothing all at once. she says she doesn't feel like a normal human being - what sense of self is there in a person so stretched and torn by the fates of time? she's named after herself. she raised herself. similar with her brooch, which has been given to herself in a paradox. this brooch carried a message -- not even jupiter can find a lost opportunity, which she memorized and recited like a prayer. it was all that was left of her dead mother, she thought. it's why she studied latin at all, but ironically, she's born with the ability to do what jupiter can't. her twin brother is the very man who caused the deaths of her and many, many others, and they will never grow to have anything close to a sibling bond. she's a clone of a clone. the only reason that version of phi exists is because she was part of an experiment as as infant. she's patient zero for a virus that has one of its most prominent symptoms be driving its host to suicide. in one timeline, this is how she dies. she dies many times - she's burned, stabbed, slashed her own throat, had her head blown off, what have you. shes had to teach herself how to die. does she even fear death when she's had to witness her own death so many times? maybe during the ambidex game, but in the decision game, it hardly seems to be worth anything to her anymore. what was it like the first time she SHIFTed? she's a girl who will willingly kill herself for the sake of humanity, and would have, had diana not wanted to let her live. shes one of the few characters to have never directly killed anyone. she could never bring herself to. she never wanted to kill q-team. that was delta's cruel decision - the decision of her own brother to leave her with blood on her hands and a virus in her brain. she never wanted to be patient zero or a paradox or an experiment or a being that exists between the stars and the sky and in spacetime. she didn't choose any of this. not the ab game, not the decision game, no matter how necessary. underneath the cold and inflappable attitude she harbors is just a girl. a girl who's just as human as anyone else even if she doesn't feel it. a girl with fears, wants, needs. she just has to find the timeline where it all goes right.